


One Word

by Mareel



Series: Always [64]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Christmas, Destroy Ending, Family, Kaidan's cousins, M/M, Mass Effect Holiday Special, Memories, Post-Canon, Post-Mass Effect 3, Post-War, Uncles, joy, touch of bittersweet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-15
Updated: 2017-01-15
Packaged: 2018-09-17 10:43:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9320153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mareel/pseuds/Mareel
Summary: Comfort and joy... Christmas at the orchard





	

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place approximately two years after the end of the war, at the Alenko orchard. Isla and Sean are Kaidan's cousin and her husband. Grace and Rory are their children. It is Elena's voice. 
> 
> Written for Mass Effect Holiday Special 2016, Day 4 - Holiday Spirit

 

It's Christmas Day.

The house is full and noisy and it’s wonderful. Noisy enough that I don’t hear Kaidan coming into the kitchen until he’s right beside me putting his empty cup on the counter. 

“Hey, Mom. Just want to make another cup of coffee.”

“Of course, help yourself. Does John need a fresh cup of tea?”

“I think he’s a little too occupied at the moment, playing with Grace. They have a Lego spaceport to build.”

“So I hear! I think John might be her favorite uncle - no offense, Kaidan.”

“No problem… he’s enjoying it. He’s never been an uncle before, and the two of them seem to be having a great time.” 

“Maybe it’s because he isn’t afraid to be silly and he plays with her on her terms. Whether it’s playing hide and seek or building a spaceport with blocks, he’s all in.”

“Yeah. You’re right. I never expected that from him but I love seeing it.”

I can tell. Kaidan gets the softest look in his eyes as he watches them play together or listens to John reading a book to her. With voices. 

“Mom, you’d never know that he’s never played with a kid her age before… I’m not sure he even played some of those games himself. He’s like a kid again.. It’s really great to see.” He pauses, shaking his head as he remembers. “If you’d seen him during the last months of the war… You talk about the smile… the laughter. I only got a glimpse of that when we had a little time alone together.”

I push the sugar bowl toward him as he looks around for it. “I remember seeing Commander Shepard’s pictures on the newsfeeds before and during the war. He looked so serious and intense. I guess he was carrying a lot of weight on his shoulders.”

“Yeah, you could say that. It was hard to get him to take any time to relax.”

“I’m glad he had you to worry about him, little one.”

He take a cautious sip of his hot coffee. “Sometimes I could persuade him to take a few minutes to sleep or eat… have a quick drink maybe. It was all still there though – the war and all – not very far beneath the surface. But I knew that when I fell in love with him.”

There is a long moment of silence as he decides that the coffee isn’t going to burn his mouth, and I can’t keep from asking a question I’ve wanted to ask for a long time. It never seemed to be the right time, but just now he seemed to have given me an opening.

“When was that? I don’t mean to pry, but I’m curious.”

He takes his time in answering, taking another sip of coffee before turning to face me. “Remember the mission when I ended up in the hospital on the Citadel? We’ve been together since a little while after that. It was way too short a time until the final battle of the war… “ His voice goes quiet and he turns back to his coffee mug before adding, “We weren’t sure we’d both make it, you know?”

I reach over to rub his back gently, trying to decide if I should say any more about it, or just let Christmas be a time for hope. “It’s good that you both figured out your feelings then… You know, how sometimes you care about someone but think you have plenty of time.”

Kaidan freezes with his coffee half- lifted, then putsthe cup back down without drinking. There is an unreadable expression on his face as his eyes meet mine, and his voice is barely above a whisper or maybe a sigh. “Yeah. And then it’s too late... I wasn’t going to make that mistake again.”

It’s as close to an admission as I’ll probably ever hear – that his grief when the _Normandy_ was lost was deeply personal. I had mentioned my thoughts about it to Michael at the time, but didn‘t specifically connect it to Shepard. I think maybe Michael did… he had reminded me that Kaidan was attracted to men as well as women, and that he thought the world of the late Commander Shepard. He knew his son pretty well, it seems. 

I rest my hand on his arm for a moment and he looks at me again. “Kaidan, little one, I’m just glad you two make each other so happy. That’s all 

His smile is a little shy but it lights his eyes. “Yeah. We do.”

The voices have quieted down in the living room. Maybe Isla had rounded up Grace for her nap. Kaidan moves to join them but stops by the door, motioning me to come closer, a finger on his lips for quiet. Sean has just transferred baby Rory to John’s arms and he’s protesting that he doesn’t know anything about holding babies… ‘ _What if I drop him?_ ’ Sean assures him that he won’t; they’ll both be fine.

We wait till John and Rory are settled on one of the big chairs near the Christmas tree. Rory is fussing a little, but John starts talking to him, pointing out all the things on the tree and he quiets. 

Kaidan takes the rest of his coffee into the living room with him.

I’m not a very conscientious journal keeper, but I have a book where I write things I want to remember. Sometimes they take the form of letters to Michael. I’m feeling the need to write something tonight.

________________________________

 

_My dear Michael,_

_It’s Christmas again, the second year without you. That ache will never go away, but I’m learning to accept joy when it happens. Without feeling guilty about it._

_I was reminded today of something you told me once – on that first Christmas we spent at the orchard. I’d asked you what makes Christmas important to you. And you said one word – family. I understand that now more than I ever did._

_With all my love, Elena_

________________________________

 


End file.
